The world is working in an opposite manner

Everything seems to be in a opposite manner, the one you miss sososososo much and wish he would be they jus the moment you certifice yourself breaking down, he will never be here no matter how hard you pray he could be they n hug you and make things better. Even the slightest cure as chatting on the phone jus to make things better also hard to reach as you need to endure it all by yourself, i hate being this depress for so freaking long.....and goin into the exam hall make my foot heavy and sitting in it was like waiting every single second to pass-by. GOSH i need a BLACKOUT now !!!!! not during 3 days before performance management. The one should understand and be here standby your side did not even understand a single bit but the one who was not even close to you and we were just barely friends understand throughly as she was walking in your shoes and feel your mind and sense your heart ache that happen so frequent till you do not even bother to care about it anymore. I dun feel like going back home as looking at mom make me feel f**k up rotten and through their eyes i felt dissappointment. I dun wanna stay in my room in kampar as it make me feel disgust with all the books and notes everywhere and it was so dirty and i was too lazy to clean. Can anyone tell me which room who had internet access ( so i can watch Big Bang TV ) and rot inside the room without eating, putting on make-up, changing my clothes and someone wash my hair. I jus want to hug baby and sleep